Living In
a Swift Kontiki Motorhome -
My Story
Living In A Motorhome -
Forget The House, Poll Tax, Water Rates and TV License... I'm
Off!
22nd January 2012
New New - New Life...
I wasn't going to write anymore of the blog.I was thinking
It kinda goes against what the blog is about really in some respect and as I
no longer own a Motorhome and live in a flat ( albeit temporary ) it didn't
seem right to write it. The problem is ...Is this blog about living in a
Motorhome or about me? So many have emailed asking "What's happening? " "
What you doing? " " When are you going to buy another Motorhome? " and in a
lot of cases asking questions like " What's happening with Michelle? " and
how's "Lordy getting on with his Jacuzzi" and I ain't making those up they
are 100 % true, ( somebody asked me about Lordy's Jacuzzi) so I'm going to
write the blog for a while and hopefully I will get another Motorhome and we
will be back on the right track ! If people find it boring then I will stop.
New years eve I spent down in Wales but not the part of
Wales I intended. Remember when I was up in Caernarfon,( North Wales)
wonderful place and I enjoyed every minute I was there, and one night while
I was in the good old Cafi Roc night club I met a woman called Christine,
nothing happened blah blah blah but we swapped Facebook stuff and we have
been happily swapping the odd Facebook moment for the last 6 months.
Now....A week before New Year I thought right..I can't really go to the
South of France like I did last year with Michelle as I don't have a bird to
take and to be honest if you do go there you want one that's really tasty
not average so..I thought right lets go somewhere else how about Caernarfon?
Great idea so I message off Christine and propose I come up, ( no pressure
on a relationship or anything I'm happy to sleep on the sofa and just have a
laugh ) and she says yes that's possible she will arrange it and they ( her
gang ) are off out into town then a friends party etc and I'm invited so
happy days!!
I'm thinking bit of a trek direct from London to North
Wales so I head off in the porker and go to Milky's girlfriends place first
in Maerdy ( South Wales ) 2 days before New year. Arrive and have a pint
with Milky and then after a couple of messages with Christine I get this
message " Had a thought about New year and I don't want to be a notch on
your bed post so I don't think its a good idea you should come" what the
fuck? I just driven 200 miles to South Wales and was gonna drive another 4
hours tomorrow! What a bitch, no idea what was happening with her but to do
this to somebody the eve of New Years eve is a real pisser. Suffice to say I
spent New years eve in Maerdy which was well average indeed but there was a
twist. Milky decided to split up with is girlfriend that night!! Who the
fuck splits up with somebody on New Years eve? And... I was sleeping on her
sofa! I couldn't get out of the place quick enough in the morning, like a
jack rabbit I was
Had a lot of viewings on my London flat. Its in
Walthamstow not the greatest of places in the world but its cheap. Very
multi cultural, full of Polish , Turks, Indians, Pakistanis and the odd
English bloke...But its alright. Haart estate agent kinda priced it up a bit
wrong to be honest at £215,000 which is silly money, so I got hem to drop it
to £205,000 and I've got a deal with someone!! A Scottish women and her Dr
boyfriend, took 200k in the end but I think its a good deal. Hopefully in
about 8 weeks time I would have sold and have the money in the bank ( not
all that amount ) but a decent whack, then I can decide exactly where and
what I want to do with my life including a Motorhome!
Met with Michelle while I was travelling down to Wales and
she ( I must admit ) is looking stunning, blonde curly hair , a little bit
more weight lovely. but over a quick pint ( and it was a bloody quick pint )
she says oh I've met someone!? Met him on the Internet 44 blah blah blah.
Later on I get a Facebook pic of the lovely couple together at a do.
Blimey!!!! He looks older than me! I'm miles better good looking! Anyway
best of luck to her. She's a lovely girl, mesmerising pretty but she's
damaged goods ( Sorry Shelley but that's what you say to me!)
Work is not to bad. At least there is some coming in.Plus
the prospect list is looking pretty good with a couple of decent size jobs
if they come off. I don't intend to waste my house sale money so will need
these to invest in my next Motorhome. Sadly I have decided that the porker
will need to go soon. I need to get into the real world of cars and I'm
looking for something ultra economical, especially if I invest in some
property in Wales and driving up and down will be costly, ( well in the
Porker it will be, plus its gonna need welding and currently has no
handbrake!) hence I'm looking for something cool like a Mini Diesel,
something like 60 -70 miles to the gallon. Hey there's only me at the mo so
I don't need anything big or flash.Perfect.
Talking of Minis the last one I was in belonged to Penny,
remember Penny beautiful blonde Sheffield lass, ( Benidorm) well I've
actually been speaking to her lately, yeh nice, as I effed it up a bit the
last time I was there so you never know, I'm at a crossroads, she's at a
crossroads.....something may happen. Other than that the women department is
a bit slow but...Its out of choice to be honest, not short of offers but
want to make the right choice.
Silly bits ....Yes Lordy still has his Jacuzzi ( with full
sky), Golf is zero, too bloody cold to play, Some woman in a pub recently
said I was the best looking bloke in there ( shame she wasn't the best
looking bird..) One of Milky's female acquaintances accused me of pushing
her (in the same pub) late at night and was gonna lay me out lol!). My
lovely daughter Elsa was 14 recently and I've bought a great new phone!!
Stuff the Iphone, stick it up your Apple ass. Fed up with
the thing so I bought an HTC Sensation Xl nice big screen, android smart
phone and I bought it on the 3 network for a reason. Remember I bought a 3
dongle so I can access the internet, well I don't need it now the Sensation
has a app that turns the phone into a wireless router so you can access the
Internet with your laptop through it. Simply turn on the app, open your
laptop wireless, join that network that the app creates and bingo you are on
the Internet and Christ its super fast, and I mean fast. Perfect solution if
you are Motorhoming and need Internet access on the go. The other feature
which I love is the flash light app. click on this and a super bright light
fills the room, so wished I had had this in my Motorhome, even now in my
flat double bedroom its so bright I can read a book. perfect Motorhome night
light.
Lastly I'm in the ditch the lager mood again. I've got my
abs machine back out and I'm serious about sorting out the gut. ( New Year
serious ) lets see how it goes...
1st April 2012
Gone from writing weekly blogs to bi monthly! Thanks to all the guys for
emailing me with your kind words and putting stuff in the guest book, its
much appreciated.
Ok so what's been happening? I've eventually sold the flat, ok its kinda
sold I should exchange contracts tomorrow, so looking forward to having the
cash in the bank in about 10 days , will be nice!! These sales don't half
drag on though, god solicitors live in the past, nowadays we have email,
bacs, SMS, Internet everything and what do these muppets do? They still post
stuff back and forth to each other and expect it to get there the next day,
the delays have been a joke, and considering my buyers arn't selling and I'm
not buying even more of a joke. Anyway hopefully all we be done soon.
So could be homeless in 10 days time but here's the plan for the new
living arrangements! Remember the park that I spent quite a few nights at in Sewardstone rd
in Chingford, well I've finally done something positive and bought a
static caravan! Absolutely ideal, like 20 minutes from where I used to live,
beautiful place, 46 static's and about 70 pitches set in acres of lovely
land. Your own parking, and gated security brilliant. So what have I bought?
A 35ft x 12 ft van, 3 bedroom, fully fitted kitchen, huge lounge and fitted
bathroom.
Now here's the best bit , I originally contacted the site
a few months ago and was told I could get a static pitch that was being
vacated and would need to spend about £18000 to £20000 on a van which I was
kinda prepared to spend and then...a phone call. "..Paul, come and see us we have
something that might interest you, a guy has split up with his girlfriend
and he needs to sell his van super quick" so I head up there with Lordy to
see all about it. There it was 35x12 van and in quite reasonable nick,
needed a bit of a clean, but defiantly all there, even got 2 big black
leather sofas in the lounge. The guy is originally looking for 10k and guess
what ....we got it for 6! 6 grand for a 2003 van !! So there it is!
That's my new London base ! Now the site is open 11 months of the year,
closes for all of Feb but that's no big deal its perfect. The ground
rent is £2200 a year ( £50 a week perfect ) and of course there no poll tax
etc. Electric is on a meter ( and its dirt cheap ) and the gas is through
57kg bottles . No central heating in this van, but as Mark the site manager
says you don't need it, electric is so cheap , heating the van that way is
much more effective. Gonna take some snaps and post my progress with it.
Of course having a static doesn't mean that I won't bother with a
motorhome, would still love to get one, and will, just wont be living in it
24/7 . Gonna be ideal I reckon, static home, motorhome, old porker and a
bike!. In fact I' ve actually sold the old scooter, knocked it out
yesterday, paid £690 a year ago for it and sold it for £600 and without an
mot or tax! so was a result. although thinking about it I'm gonna need
another one for any new motorhome!
Took a long weekend off 4 weeks ago and went to .....Benidorm with
Milky!! had 4 nights and was brill. Work was getting me down a bit and
needed a distraction and you don't get distracted anymore than Benidorm.
Christ we had a laugh, it was non stop beer and birds, Milky used to call us
the magnets! There's a great rough old place called the Black Chicken a
karaoke bar absolute mad in there it is and we used to go almost every day,
they have this great photo machine on the wall, and one day we did non stop
photos with a bunch of girls was mayhem , they get put up on line and are so funny
when you get back home and view them. If you are inquisitive in any way
here's the link but be warned they are somewhat raunchy !
http://www.nightphotosfever.com/galeria/Black_Chicken_Benidorm/index.php#
make your way to the 10th March ( little magnifying glass left hand side ) and simply start clicking next !!
Other things happening, the golf season has started ( for competitions )
played Weds got 31 points played well but alas Milky had 32 and so did Lordy
lost another bloody fiver! ( the snottiest golf club I have ever played at,
obsessed strict dress policy complete wxnkers called Upminster
Park) . The porker is kinda falling apart, if it can go wrong it will!
couldn't open the boot the day had to drag the clubs out through the door!
Romance department is nil. I'm off the dating sites and just simply
looking to meet someone in a pub or club. If it happens it happens, but
kinda getting to the point now that a relationship would be nice, keep me
sane and stop me from becoming increasingly lonesome!
1st May 2012
Well its all happening! I have finally sold the flat
although as I write this those greedy bastards nbmlaw solicitors in
Chelmsford have decided to hold on to my rather large amount of money for a
few days, their excuse ?? The mortgage company did not confirm the account
was closed until 3.50pm and I missed the bank transfer point. Absolute load
of shit!! I rang my bank at 12.30pm and they said the account was closed and
my balance was zero, the biatch tried to con me up early in the week saying
I wont get the money until Monday, and I insisted it was transferred the
same day, bastards! All deliberate to keep interest on your money, and a
right fucking rude cow she was as well. Stick your complaint in writing she
said in a huff, I will you biatch and post it to thousands of other people
as well. You pay peanuts you get monkeys! Cheap conveyacing firm, don't go
any where near them nbmlaw
www.nbmlaw.co.uk.
So where am I living? I've bought the van as
mentioned in the last month. Real bargain it is, in fact I'm writing from it
now. This is my second night, need a few things doing of course can't splash
too much cash until I get my money tomorrow but then it will be all systems
go. This van is a Cosolt Super 35ft x 12 ft 3 bedroom, although I decided
the main bed was far to small for my liking, no tiny but not big enough for
me so I've knocked the small bedroom into it to create a nice big master
room , so she's now a 2 bedder!. quite straight forward rip out the
partition wall, save one internal panel and use it to block the main doorway
form the hall way. A few wiring modifications, a couple of new double
sockets and a light mod and presto Its ready!! Not been the ideal move as
its been absolutely pissing down with rain for the week before I moved in
and now I am here , ( What have I done wrong god lol )
Here's some of the major stuff. The idiot that had it
prior to me has ripped out the furniture ( don't ask me why? ) I mean
the soft furnishings and replaced them with 2 leather sofas, now.. these
might be great for some people but not me. I want it to look reasonably
original, buy trying to locate replacement fittings has been almost
impossible until I came across a caravan forum that suggested a company
called Nabru. These guys make self assembly sofas to suit any size any
design, so Milky and I headed over to take a look one Friday. Located in
Uxbridge just off the A40 they have a reasonable size showroom wit all in
place. Really nice gear and I've chosen a 4 seater by 3 seater corner unit
that will span the left hand side of the van, similar to what would have
been there. Just considering the colour at the moment as I want the carpets
replaced through out from this mind numbing grey, to something dark like a
luscious red! I will say we looked a right pair of gay boys jumping up and
down on them testing out the firm or the soft cushions!
Got a huge list of things to buy and get, one thing on my
mind was Brian's Fleetwood Flair Motorhome. Brian is one of the site
wardens, and his 1995 28ft Fleetwood is up for sale. Big old thing it is,
6.5 litre Chevvy turbo diesel. downside 12 -13 to the gallon, needs a few
things doing to it, but low mileage and they have owned it for over 7 years
price?? 8 grand. He thinks is worth about 15k. After a lot of homework I
offered him 6, but he turned it down. Looked on Ebay and a lot of these
American jobs aren't getting any bids at all, so the idea and thought
was there , but I'm passing on this one. Need to get something smaller and a
lot more economical I reckon !
So going in the new static this week is a new TV! a nice
big one as well! ( the old witch never liked TV and made me and the kids
suffer a 20 inch fucking ancient Toshiba thing ) in fact she still has it,
poor kids, Any way nice 42 plasma will be ideal. Got a guy coming to this
week to install a satellite dish, ( I could do this easy but he does
the whole of the park and is dirt cheap £40 for the dish and the
install ). Now there are several choices here to what you connect the sat
to. Freesat or Sky or some foreign stuff.....Or....??? something slightly
dodgy! A new world of sat receivers have hit the market powered by the Linux
operating system and you can do a million things with them. One of these
things or perhaps the number 1 thing is to milk some Sky! True! and below is
how you do it.
You can get virtually free sky and I mean sky everything (
films, sky sports Set anta, Espn the lot ) by buying a Dreambox. A Dreambox
is a model of Linux sat receiver, there are some similar models like the
Blade and Technomate but the Dreambox is deemed to be the best. He's how it
all works, first of all you have to understand Sky. Sky sends a small code
down to its receivers boxes every several seconds and the box decodes it to
show the program, this is why you cannot clone sky cards the code changes to
much. So the problem with nicking sky is the card and the codes.
Here's how a Dreambox works... Essentially all you
need to get sky is access to a sky card and the codes. The system for this
is called card sharing, if you have a sky system you can essentially share
your card using the internet . Here's an explanation ....." In practical
terms an original legitimate subscription card can be used in a receiver;
then another box that is in another room, or even a thousand miles away,
could access the smartcard via the internet' to view channels that the
subscription card allows...... The Dreambox access's the card via
the internet and receives the codes, decodes them in nano seconds and shows
the picture. You can either configure the Dreambox yourself if you are a bit
clever or you can buy one pre setup from Ebay, ( normally listed with the
words "Free Gift" after them, meaning x amounts of months prescription to
the legitimate sky card, simply add a satellite and bingo you have Sky.
I'll let you know how it goes, I'm simply going to use my
smart phone for the Internet connection, as there's currently no Internet in
the park. The codes that come down are very tiny so you don't need a huge
connection
Other things to buy, Vieto heater ( best electric heaters
in the world look them up ) a new water heater ( the current one is totally
bust ) Murco g111e cost £300. Small Freezer, carpets, pots pans, crockery ,
towels, and a lot more!
Will post some pics in a few days time for all to see
Other things: Bird department zero, lost again in golf by
1 bloody point to Lordy in the monthly competition the other day so nothing
changed there! Porker is just about hanging on in there, had a great night
at a boxing event last week Lordy's son won his second fight.
Hope everybody is getting their van prepared for the
summer travelling!
x
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